The American Dream

sniff sniff...

Staying indoors, sitting on the couch, watching Oprah and eating chips…it truly is the American dream.....

Take the Joke Back (Mountain)

It's been 6 months since my last post. Is it physical and mental laziness that has caused the pause? Roger that. But in addition, nothing has really annoyed me much recently. Ahh...love...

But now I'm pissed.

Seriously, people...the word "brokeback" does not a funny joke make!

Y0da out.

Stickin' it to the man.

I love nothing more than creative and legal acts of "stickin' it to the man."

This guy has got the right idea. And gosh darn it if he didn't actually find "the man." I've been looking for that mofo for a loooonnng time.

Don't Panic.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is good...really really good. This fact has left me with feelings mixed. Uh oh, I'm starting to panic. You see, if it's good people will see it. And I gotta be honest, I enjoyed that self-righteous feeling of being one of the minority of people in the world who understood what a babelfish was, or why the number 42 was significant. The inside joke will be released on the world!! Oh well...I guess that's cool.

Anyways, the movie was really well done, and I felt gratified leaving the theater because what I had imagined in my head while reading the book was almost exactly what was placed on film. Which is rarely the case. Kudos Hammer and Tongs.

Holy Good God Heroin Must Be Some Good Shit.

It has been reported to me that heroin sucks.

Last night I briefly watched a documentary called Dope Sick Love on HBO about two strung out couples living in New York. Actually, they were living more around New York. When I turned it on, I was treated to the sight of two people, appearing years beyond their age, crying because the needle they were repeatedly jamming into their arm was bent, and wouldn't hit a vein. When I said 'briefly' earlier, I meant it.

Today I hear that my favorite stand-up comedian, Mitch Hedberg, OD'd last night and has since passed on.

Only about two years ago Mitch was arrested with a gang of H on him at an airport. While he was being arrested the cops realized his leg had become gangrenous from a needle inlficted wound. Had it not been for his father's second opinion, and masterful surgical work, he would have lost it. Don't believe me? There's a not-so vague reference to this issue on his soon-after released album Mitch All Together. Get it? (if not, see joke below)

Now, I dont know about you, but being a breath away from losing my f'ing LEG would scare me straight of just about anything.

Apparently it really is that good. I think I'll wait till I'm 90 or so before I show up to the H party.

You can peep Mitch's work in a teeny roll in the movie Almost Famous or in reruns of That 70's Show, but I would highly recommend getting his CDs.

Here are some classic Mitch jokes, even though his inflection and delivery was half the fun:

"I bought a donut, and the guy gave me a receipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for a donut. I give you the money, you give me the donut. End of transaction. I just cannot imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a donut. Some skeptical friend. 'Hey man, don't even act like I didn't get that donut. I got the documentation right here... Oh wait it's at home in the file. Under D.'"

"Y'know they call corn on the cob, corn on the cob, right but that's how it comes out of the ground man they should call that corn. They should call every other version corn off the cob. It's not like if you cut off my arm, you would call my arm 'Mitch.' But the reattach it and call it 'Mitch altogether.' "

Mitch, you shall be missed.

~buzzzzzz

An open salute, to President Bush

I salute you, Mr. President, for caring so greatly for mankind. You have such respect for the children of God throughout the world that you take time out of your busy day to stand up for the rights of all God's children. Whether that person is a white woman with all the senses and thoughts of a carrot who once requested she die with dignity, or a million healthy African civilians being slaughtered everyday, you are standing up and giving each and every one of them the time and energy they deserve. You are forcing your heavy hand to make the absurd mandates to get things accomplished for all of the innocent children, regardless of party lines and politics.

Because if you didn't, who would?

In 1994, chances are I was stoned.

At the same time, millions of people were being killed in Rwanda.

See Hotel Rwanda, feel like an a-hole like me, and then take a little action to save the people of Darfur.

Do it before the Oscars so you can sound really cool at your awesome Oscar party.

Or becuase you have a soul.